Can We Please Agree Not to “Don’t Disagree?”
Most of us are guilty of using corporatespeak from time to time. I’m no innocent here, although I don’t know think I’ve ever used the word “synergy” with a straight face. That said, I still say “it is what it is” every now and then. (I know… I’m working on it.)
We won’t shake these things overnight, and that’s OK. You can continue to focus on your “core competencies” and be “transparent” about doing your “due diligence.” You can “circle back” with Judy and “take the discussion offline.” You can even mistakenly refer to “exponential” growth without understanding what exponential means, because half the people you’re talking to don’t know, either, “at the end of the day.”
These words and phrases are overused, trite, and irritating. They’re also mostly harmless. And they continue to carry some vestiges of their original meaning, even after being flogged to death over the years.
However, there is one insidious phrase that I can’t stand. I see and hear it all the time now… in work meetings, political debates, interviews, online discussions, and other public communications:
“Well, I don’t disagree with you, Rob…”
or the lazy variant:
“Don’t disagree, Rob…”
Really? How big of you.
Why is that phrase a problem? Because it’s gutless and frequently insincere. And because the speaker often really means one of two things (albeit subconsciously):
“I agree with you, Rob, but I can’t quite commit to saying that clearly (especially with all these people listening) so I’m gonna hedge my bets and water down my verbiage a bit. I’m terrified of being wrong.”
or:
“I actually DO disagree with you, Rob. In fact, I’ll probably insert a ‘but’ at this point and then ease my way into a bland, mamby-pamby version of what I really think. I’m terrified of being wrong.”
Either way, it’s a pitiful and baffling rhetorical tic. Unless someone asks you, “Do you disagree with that statement, Senator?” there’s virtually no reason to use this weaselly phrasing.
End it. Say what you mean. If you agree, say “I agree.” If you don’t, say “I disagree.”
Even Lumbergh had the cojones to say “Ooohh… yeah… I’m gonna have to go ahead and sort of… disagree with you there.”